2003-05-30; 1:24 a.m.
drowning in
Drowning in Morcheeba�s Trigger Hippie and a wrestling federation blanket (not because it�s cold; because it�s a habit)� staring at poetry, wishing I were watching Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I�m obsessed with that investigation guy. The mind of the character staggers me. There�s something very seductive about having this nice, fresh slate for a journal without so many eyes � or rather, without so many unpleasant eyes.
Hannah is getting married on Saturday, and I need to go and buy a dress whenever I wake up. The bride�s maids are wearing coral; I�m sure Cassie is one, though I forgot to ask this weekend, whenever we were all playing Taboo. (Fun game, though I was awful at the whole vocal bit.) AND, I need to go by the college, AND .. I need to pick out a weekend to go and visit Shanna, all alone up in Athens for the summer with no car.
So, I finally got to the last DVD of Berserk, and the ending was awful. I should have expected it. It couldn�t have ended well, but it was like, every possible bad scenario came true. I�m feeling very unresolved and disappointed about the whole thing, but at least the outtakes are funny. Ha. At least I did good by buying Kingdom Hearts for Joseph, as his graduation gift; he�s having a blast with it, despite the whole Disney cartoon character thing going on. It�s a great adventure-roleplay, and I usually hate games.
I worked with Maurice and Jessica tonight. This is the second night I�ve worked kitchen with Reece. The moment I come in, he wanders over to the radio on top of the fridge and turns it to the oldie station. (THE WOLF, 97.7) �I never asked him to. (Though I couldn�t reach it anyway. Shut up, Cassie.) He�s done it ever since the first time he walked in one Saturday and saw me singing with a knife as a microphone.
I couldn�t help but think about this whole racial thing that we�ve had going on for a few days now. Millie is one of out front counter girls. I think she�s half Puerto Rican or something like that� and she dates a black guy. Some of the customers were going to our boss and talking about her and Reece (he�s black) � saying that they had �seen things�, or something like that. But really, considering all the little old Baptist church ladies that come in, they probably just saw them laughing and talking. I�ve never seen them doing anything. (Then again, I never saw any drugs when I was in high school.) Who knows? Whatever.
It did make me wonder, though: what do they expect for someone who�s already mixed in some way to do? Go find another one just like them? Don�t breed?
So, Mrs. Sue starts asking us individually what we think of interracial relationships and war, and then, of all people, HOPE starts showing up to work. Thank goodness I only have another month of this. I really don�t think I could tolerate that abuse again. I don�t deserve it. It rivals encounters with the notorious and repulsive Jeanie Lucas. I wonder what she�s doing these days. Hopefully not reading this. �But oh well.
Chris is thinking about moving out of the house that he built with his older brother, and into Steven�s trailer in some county nearby that I can�t remember how to spell; this distresses me, in any case, because of S�s bad habits. Okay, they�re more like normal habits, but they are Bad Things to Jennifer: i.e. drinking, sex, maybe smoking something other than cigarettes, porn. Not to say that Chris isn�t his own man, and all that, and he�ll do what he wants to do � but we took baths together when we were babies. We told ghost stories in the hayfield. We ran and ran down dark dirt roads, in the woods, by the creeks. We know each other�s dreams. He�s like another brother�only not, because we don�t argue. So, I can be annoyed and frustrated and generally nonplussed by the whole ordeal. Worried, yeah � and I hate the idea of Chad being left alone.
During the day I keep glancing at the phone� thinking I might call Keith�s house and ask for his address, while he�s stationed in Japan; Danny thinks I should. I guess it couldn�t hurt anything, and it might make him smile to get a letter.
This could be the last summer that I will ever spend with my brother. He�s definitely going into Intelligence, he says � and he wants to go for the CIA after service.
And� I think I�ll conclude now, with this heart-wrenching Evangelion auto-track freaking me out. It sounds kind of like The Godfather music, and I have no idea where it came from.
K, bye!
.. so tired .. - 2003-09-14
..dogs & keith .. - 2003-09-01
..eyeless, lipless, earless.. - 2003-08-07
my most sinful daydream... - 2003-08-02
...brilliant huxley... - 2003-08-01