2003-09-14; 3:16 a.m.
.. so tired ..
january 1st, 2002: 7:45 p.m.
that's when i broke up with him.
crazyness and improbability: last night, i had a dream that he came to the cafe and i saw him - creased my brow and breathed his name, and launched into his arms. holding on forever.
i was supposed to go to karlie's birthday party, and i was getting ready slowly - always take my time - this and that, touching my hair - and then my brother came with the phone for me.
'don't know who,' he said. 'weird number, though.'
(our answering machine announces it, caller i.d. style.)
so, i took it obviously, unconcerned. 'hello.. ?'
it was him! i felt a surge of excitement, that i didn't bother to supress despite all of my long, thought-out misgivings. my anger and confusion. we talked for hours. he was in japan, and he'd been everywhere by then. australia, thailand. he talked about large flies and lizards and backpackers - and they don't really like fosters. it's shitbeer, he mocked their accent in a friendly way.
he explained things - things about what he'd gone through, before our break up. things long before even that.
it was a good talk.
if it's good for me to forgive him.
i don't want to, but he makes me so happy!
and he's out of the service in 8 months.
'my soul told me to call you.'
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.. so tired .. - 2003-09-14
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